I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
