You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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