i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
