Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
