Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
