Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
