so that wasnt chicken after all
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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