i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
