so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize