One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
