The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'm like, not good at living.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
