Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
