Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Alive.
So much puke
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
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