video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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