I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
