I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
