I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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