we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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