Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I want to make a zoo with you.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
