So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
