his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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