those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
