lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
