it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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