In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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