I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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