i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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