is your mom at the bar?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
