i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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