We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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