planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
