You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
