I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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