Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize