I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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