so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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