i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
