life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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