we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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