I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Randomize