yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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