walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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