How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Randomize
