i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Randomize
