Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm just crazy horny about you
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
