Pants 0. Shit 1.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
foreskin is a definite game changer
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
