I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
