I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
