just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
