the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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