the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
