Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
