I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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