I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
