he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
