sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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