I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
