im about as happy as oj after his trial
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
