Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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