Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
