She is in my trunk
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
