I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
