hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
