How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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