careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
