I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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