just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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