how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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