Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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