I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Randomize
