Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
