how do flat chested girls get laid?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
