Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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