it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
